The London community group helping women with ‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’

Home Girls Unite is helping eldest daughters in immigrant families as they navigate the extra burdens placed on them

Home Girls Unite co-founder Yasmin Bojang (Supplied)

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In London’s Holland Park, more than a dozen women gathered for a picnic and to confront a lifelong burden they all shared: Eldest Daughter Syndrome (EDS).

Popularised on TikTok, it describes the disproportionate pressures and responsibilities placed on the eldest daughter in a family.

The event was organised by Home Girls Unite, a community group that provides resources and regular support sessions for the eldest daughter in immigrant families.

In 2020, the group designated 26 August as Eldest Daughter Day and is now trying to have the date registered as a national holiday.

While based in the UK, the group has provided thousands of women across the globe with both in-person and online events.

Co-founder Sahra Mohamed said she is amazed by the demand for the monthly support group sessions on Zoom, which attract a diverse array of people.

“We have women as young as 18 and others well into their 60s, from all over the world, from the UK, Nigeria, Malaysia, Indonesia. It’s such a huge geographic and generational branch,” she said.

“What’s powerful is hearing how, despite their differences, everyone comes together to share, support and lift each other.”

On TikTok, #EldestDaughterSyndrome has given a platform to many who describe being pushed into adult responsibilities from an early age, a process known as "parentification".

Frequently doing invisible and unpaid domestic labour, those experiencing parentification are now speaking out about the toll it has taken on their health, well-being and sense of childhood.

holland-park-picnic-home-girls-unite — A recent Home Girls Unite event in London (Supplied)

Psychologists suggest the phenomenon stems from both the responsibilities traditionally placed on the eldest child and the gendered expectations imposed on daughters.

According to sex-typing theory, parents often assign different tasks to girls and boys, reflecting cultural associations of domestic work and care-giving with femininity.

Despite parents encouraging them to pursue education and fulfilling careers, eldest daughters are often still unconsciously weighed down by these expectations.

Globally, the gender imbalance is striking: girls between the ages of five and 14 spend 40 percent more time on unpaid household chores than boys of the same age, according to Unicef. By 10 to 14, that gap rises to 50 percent.

Immigrant experiences

When Home Girls Unite was founded in 2018, it set out to cater to the experiences of eldest daughters from immigrant families.

“When we first started, we did it more so from our experience as immigrant daughters," Sahra said. "Being immigrant daughters, there are probably challenges – translating for parents, making appointments, handling paperwork, attending parents’ evenings for younger siblings – that form part of our daily lives.

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“These responsibilities often stem from cultural expectations placed on being the oldest in an immigrant household, which obviously create a unique set of pressures,” she added.

But Home Girls Unite is helping women recognise that labour is not only physical but also emotional, as eldest daughters are often expected to mediate conflict and provide support within their families.

A July 2025 study on Arab-American sibling dynamics found that oldest sisters often shoulder the responsibility of managing clashes between their family’s traditional values and American cultural norms.

While younger siblings reported benefiting from their older sisters’ role in helping the family adapt and integrate, eldest daughters said they were harmed by the unfairness of carrying that burden.

Social media has helped many women recognise that what they are experiencing is not an isolated issue, but a shared struggle.

On TikTok, users have compiled viral lists of common signs of Eldest Daughter Syndrome: an overwhelming sense of responsibility; overachievement; struggles with anxiety and people-pleasing; difficulty setting boundaries; resentment towards siblings or family, and guilt for even feeling this way.

A safety net

Home Girls Unite also hosts an anonymous confessions platform, where thousands of eldest daughters share their stories.

“I hid the fact I was in therapy from my parents,” wrote one woman.

Another confessed: “I feel like I’m a safety net for so many people, but never for myself.”

Though not the first-born, Sahra is the eldest daughter of eight siblings. She said the group is helping women expand and diversify their understanding of Eldest Daughter Syndrome.

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“When we first started, we probably had that very traditional set definition of what it means to be an eldest daughter,” she explained. “Over the years of working with the community, we've really had to extend and adapt that definition to cater to girls who relate but do not probably fit that conventional first-born status.”

She explains that the burden can also fall on younger daughters, particularly when the first-born daughter has rejected the role or left the household.

To help girls and women cope with the role, Home Girls Unite offers a variety of resources, from fencing classes to an online support group for eldest daughters planning to move out, or seeking housemates.

The group also connects women with culturally sensitive mental health professionals, many of whom are eldest daughters themselves, and provides 30-minute “free of judgment” ranting sessions via Zoom or phone call. Sessions are currently fully booked until early October.

The burdens of Eldest Daughter Syndrome cut across socio-economic lines.

In the Philippines, many mothers migrate to the West or the Middle East to work as domestic helpers.

'Our goal is to help eldest daughters transition from merely surviving to truly thriving'

- Sahra Mohamed, co-founder, Home Girls Unite

While their labour can ease gender inequality abroad by outsourcing household work, a study found that it often creates new inequalities at home, where their eldest daughters are left to act as “surrogate mothers”, managing households and caring for siblings.

In South Africa, another study found that when an older sister entered the workforce, their earnings frequently subsidised younger siblings’ education, delaying the need for them to seek jobs themselves.

Such familial roles have also been linked to wider socio-economic consequences.

A 2006 IOM study found that many Nigerian women who were trafficked to Europe, often sent abroad by their families as a last resort against poverty, were eldest daughters.

“Our goal is to help eldest daughters transition from merely surviving to truly thriving by equipping them with practical tools,” Sahra said.

She added that she hoped Home Girls Unite, which is establishing a new group in New York City to meet growing demand, would empower participants to set boundaries, communicate their needs and practise self-care.

"Ultimately, we want them to harness the strengths that come with being an eldest daughter while mitigating the potential negative impacts.”

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